People often talk about the “Mother Wound,” the “Sister Wound,” and the “Witch Wound.” If you’ve heard these terms before, you may or may not know exactly what they mean as many people have different interpretations that sometimes don’t correlate. That’s okay. Something I realized, however, is that each of these titles and “wounds” are all connected to the Divine Feminine.
I’m only going to speak for my own experience, my own lesson, inspired by this pregnancy journey (as all pregnancies teach us something profound about ourselves) regarding the Divine Feminine. In the past, I’ve mentioned strained or absent relationships with certain people in my life, people whom I think “should” be around, acting in certain ways, supporting a larger common purpose. This pregnancy has highlighted my desperate need and desire for my own biological mother and sister to be present, to turn back time and show up for me in all the ways I have always needed a sister and mother to show up, consistently, reliably, without judgment or competition. But the reality is, whatever their own journeys and lessons are, they haven’t been and won’t be those people for me.
I have wrestled for so long with anger, resentment, insecurity, and deep pain over this. “Why won’t they fulfill their Divinely assigned roles of mother and sister? What is wrong with me; why am I the unwanted runt of the litter? It’s their fault I am so alone this way.” And so on. I only have answers to some of the questions I’ve asked myself, I may never know the answers to the rest. Only recently, when crying over the phone to trusted friends for the hundredth time about this very wound, was I finally ready to hear the wisdom in what was being shared with me. That, maybe the lesson here is to learn how to fill that role of Divine Feminine for myself.
It sounded like a stupid proposal at first, if I’m completely frank. How could I be other people to myself? How could I “sister” myself? How could I “mother” myself?
One of the images that has come to mind over and over again when I have sat, feeling the pain of this wound, is that of a loving, tender, sisterly figure brushing and braiding my hair. It seems so simple, almost silly. But how many of us, now, are either pulling up a memory of such a sweet moment, or are almost in tears with longing for such a bond. The reality is, these simple moments are powerful. In movies, scenes just like it are often presented in montages of cherished memories to signify the bond between characters. Why? Because it is a Divine calling, and as women, as sisters, as mothers, we are given the gift of responsibility for guarding this feminine way of Being in the world.
But it still begs the question: how do I embody this role for myself?
I believe the answer is in treating myself the way I wish my sister and mother would treat me. I believe it means to look at myself in the mirror with love and tenderness, to give myself opportunity to sit quietly in peace, or cry because I’m overwhelmed, or enjoy something just for the sake of joy, to brush and braid my own hair without judgment, without competition, consistently, reliably. I believe it means to abandon the fear of loss and to call out for other women in need of sisterhood, to fiercely defend that special space of authentic community, and not give up on ourselves so easily if we receive a cut or bruise in the effort.
Yes, it’s hard to do something that I was not shown how to do. I think this is the case for all of us who are starting from scratch, or healing generational wounds, or blazing new trails for our families or communities. But, as women, as humans crafted after the Divine Source, Creator of the Feminine and Masculine alike, Who Heals, Provides, and Sustains, we can do hard things.
I believe this embodiment, fulfilling this feminine role for ourselves and others, and learning to understand it deeply, is another way we can strengthen our connection to Hashem, to brighten our Divine light on this earth and illuminate a path for the generations after us. For myself, this is what I am learning this pregnancy. May this lesson bless you as it is blessing me.