The lessons of Autumn are so predictable yet so unpredictable. Yes, we know at some point it will rain. At some point it will be windy. At some point the leaves will be completely dropped and the cold of winter will be ushered in. But the when, how, and what (because as fun as it would be, humans aren’t trees with only leaves to shed) is a giant question mark until it’s happening.
I thought I had the timeline figured out for what I could see was breeching the horizon, but I was wrong. I could feel the presence of something big, like the feeling I get when standing in the middle of the forest, but until the fog cleared, I couldn’t correlate it with the things I thought were coming later on.
I was given the prompt to seriously reassess how I present myself. This lesson was unexpected, but I am so grateful for it. Certain things have opened my eyes to the fact that certain titles mean maybe too much to certain people, and I was one of them. As I’ve said in the past, clear communication is valuable, but what happens when others have changed the definition of a word? What happens when different groups feel the intense need to gate-keep the specific name of a cross-cultural role — a role that has hundreds of names and hundreds more ways to practice it.
In light of this, I have come to realize that I don’t want someone else’s name anymore. I want my name. You all can keep this title that you hold high on that pedestal, a title for which people have gone to jail, have been ostracized and betrayed, have been burned at the stake both literally and figuratively. I don’t need your word. I have my own.
Coming to that conclusion, though, was not easy. And because it wasn’t easy, I realized that I was letting my own ego become inflated. This is why I’m so grateful for the bold aggression that was presented to me by certain people. I don’t want to act out of a place of self-importance. I want to be humble, wise, and led by the Divine. There are no accidents — we can always ask, in every situation, “What is the lesson?” This was my lesson.
So then what? An “isn’t” will also be an “is.” Vacuums can’t be left unfilled. If something must be removed, something else will take its place and often we have the opportunity to decide what that something else can be.
When the leaves fell away and my energy was focused inward, I was left with the bare bones of myself and a return to my roots. The medicine found in our roots is the most potent, in life’s Autumns. I am me. I am the purpose for which I was created.
Outside of this article, you will find a more focused shift in my self-presentation, offerings, and goals. I’m incredibly excited to be given the opportunity to make this transformation. I feel honored that you, whoever is reading this now, have chosen to be a part of this journey alongside me, as well.
Blessed is Hashem, Sovereign of the Universe, who gives sight to the blind, who releases the bound, and who firms man’s footsteps.