Today, I had a bit of a meltdown. Overwhelmed with trying to Do and Decide and Be something for the sudden onslaught of requests, options, and responsibilities that were presented to me over the last two days. This is me when I’m not grounded — I get analysis paralysis and suddenly the entire world is waiting for me to make a decision or to act. I cried briefly, and I probably should have cried for a little bit longer just to let it out. Once I’m done crying, I often feel better, but then what? Nothing has resolved, everything is still there “waiting”.
Is it, though? Is the whole world really waiting for me to show up somewhere? All of life is standing there tapping its foot, hands on hips, asking, “Where the hell is she?!” Honestly though, can anyone be late to a divine appointment? That’s all life really is, a series of…life things happening and we all have a part to play. So there is no choice really to be made, in a way. We are where we are, heading where we’re headed. The question is, will we accept that?
That’s not to suggest that we have no freewill or that everything we do is futile. But the world does go on without us. Only some things are within our actual control. Beyond that, our perception and willingness to accept what comes is all that is left in our hands to manage. Should we choose bitterness and resistance toward the inevitable? Maybe. I know I don’t want to.
I have this image in my mind of being a leaf on a river bank. Now the waters have risen and they’re carrying me downstream a ways, to be deposited somewhere else for however long.
The river flows without me. Nothing begins or ends with me, I am just a part of the scene. I want to let the waters come and carry me forward.